Quatro...

I love you
till my head spinning
just hearing of your name

I love you so much
till my head wants to burst
just because your kiss

I love you too much
till I dreamt of you
sleeping next to me

But

You said, it was too much
you said, it is no time to do that
you said, we had to know the time

When to get serious
When to get romantic
and then to get funny

but tell me now
if it not now
how is it I know

That my heart will ever feels this way again?
That this moment will lasts forever?
That this love is true?

The more you know me
The further apart you became
how can I not be afraid?

Tell me
Does this some kind of sick joke
that you deceive me?
Truly it is, yes...

Depressed me

Why
Am I so stupid?
Am I that bad?
Am I that useless?

Why
Does I always do the wrong act?
Does I always pick the wrong choice?
Does I never, ever, be wise?

Why
Did I keep makes people angry of me?
Did I keep makes people I love got fed up on me?
Did I always do the useless things?

Why
Can't I be like any other person?
Can't I work like a professional?
Can't I be more mature?

Why
Can't I stop feeling depressed?
Can't I stop making mistakes?
Can't I found what I'm good at?

Why
All I do is just wrong?
All I said is just wrong?
All I think is just wrong?

Why
Did I always failed?
Did I never get any luck?
Did I always disappoint those who near me?

Why...

I can't think about something positive
I can't stop thinking about hurting myself
I can't remember the last time I didn't fail..

God makes everyone unique and have their own way
but sometimes I do think..
'Did I born as a failure, so that there's people who will look at me and feels better, saying to themselves, "At least I'm not like her"'??

Ayat-ayat yang kusuka

Baack... hihihihihi...
Paw udah luamaaa banget ga buka blog...
- Proverbs 10:22 --> wah ini favorit!!! huahahahhaahha...
- Sirach 39:16-17 --> ini juga...
- Matthew 7:7
- sementara itu.. nanti aku tambahin lagi yaa..~♫

Friends

I thought
Friends are forever
Those strangers, who once waving at you
will understood you completely when they opened their heart to you

But apparently
Some friends are just like a glass-diamond
Fake inside while still looks pretty outside
And, so naive, I put my trust in them.

So, when I bleed
I know part of this, is my fault.
What I don't get is
WHY?

Can't those people not backstabbing me?
Choosing the other people while laughing at me like I'm a stock
Those who I adore sincerely
Those tongue, turns out it's rotten.

The girl who looks so pure and so kind, like an angel
The little brother who are yet got to be matured
The little missy, who I took as my own new "nonik"
They had poisonous sugar in their face. Sweet, yet deadly

I should have know
From the moment they got so awkward everytime I tried to talk
From the time they goes silently
I should know, I've been abandoned

But no, naive me, I think we're still friends.
And yes, I'm still trying
But now I know, and now I learnt


TRUE FRIENDS NEVER BACKSTAB. and better yet, they will tell you as soon as they got uncomfortable with you, and not RUNAWAY LIKE A CHICKEN, but will face it like a true man. Shame on you my former ex-friend.. But I will pray for the best of you... God Bless. and may only HE who will get you what you should get. :)

I may be badmouth, but I'm a sincere and true. Now if any of you chicken stock read my blog, tell me, which of those "backstabbing" that I'm not telling the person frontally?

It's all started with concealer

Lalala... Paw hari ini ngebencong dikit...
Jadi ceritanyaaa... Paw kemarin kan beli MaxFactor Under-eye concealer sama MaxFactor eyeliner... Nahh.. namanya kemaruk.. Paw pengen coba pake dulu sebelum dibuat jalan-jalan.. beneran.. istilahnya test-drive kali ya? yah.. intinya.. Paw penasaran kann... jadi paw coba-coba deh concealernya... hmm.. kok jadinya bagus ya?? wah.. nambah lagi dikasi bedak.. kok pucat ya.. dikasi eyeshadow.. kok kurang ya.. akhirnya pake eyeliner + mascara... hmm.. kurang.. kasih apa ya.. akhirnya kasi blush on + lipstik.. wahh.. jadinya cakepp.. eittss.. tpi cakep cakep kok pake baju baby doll??? hmm.. akhirnya ganti baju... wah.. sip! tpiiiii tunggu tunggu.. Rambutnya koookk???? kaya cupu banget gituuu.. akhirnya dikluntung!! udah gitu.. Paw kan gak pernah ngluntung sendiri.. yang kiri sih oke.. yang kanan.. salah jalur!! Oh NOOOO...!! Mencuat kaya kawat!! mana pas mau benerin, ada cc berkeliaran diluar.. daripada diomeli dan dicela-cela.. mending paw nunggu di kamar.. lirik2... ah! ada botol Aqua..! akhirnya rambutnya dibasahin biar kluntungannya ilang, baru di kluntung ulang.. Ahhh.. akhirnya berhasil!! huahahaha... Jadilah Paw dari kaya gini :

jadi kaya gini : *ini waktu masih salah kluntungan, jadi tangannya 1 nutupin...*

terus jadi kaya gini : hasil akhir..

gimana gimana?? bagus ga?? komen nya duooonggg.... btewe kok ada yang bilang kaya orang Korea ya? bener ga?

Passion of the Paw

Haii.. lama ga ngeblog.. akhir-akhir ini muales banget..
Padahal banyak cerita seru bin lucu... ah.. maapkan Paw.. Paw bakal update begitu Paw rajin lagi..
Tapi untuk saat ini maap.. Paw lagi pemalas banget.. nyahahaha...
btw btw, Paw lagi bingung.. buat yang iseng buka blog paw.. or apapun deh entah gimana ...
kalo kalian kenal Paw *ciehhh* pasti tau, Paw ini hobi nya masak... tapi Paw kuliah nya Infor... >_<
jadi sekarang paw bingung.. harus gimana ya? tapi kalo dbilang hobi.. kok rasanya bener2 suka banget.. what should I do??

Oh, how I love to bully...

Iiiyaaappp... how I love to bully people..!! hohohoho... ini ceritanya, hari ini Paw diajak pergi ke TP buat cari hadiah ultah seorang temennya Paw.. dan karena ada temennya paw si Devillady yang juga kelaparan, maka Paw ajak juga dia.. ufufufufu.. baik hati banget ya paw.. Kan rencananya pergi janjian jam 11.. titi baru bangun 11.15... huyuh.. gimana toh... *dan ternyata, Dean baru dateng jam 1.. bener-bener deh.. ada apa dengan anak-anak ini dan punctuality mereka.. ckckckck.. ga kaya paw.. kalo telat selalu lebih dari ga sampe 15 menit... nah lanjut.. akhir nya karena Dean lama... Kita makan dulu deh... *Paw sebenernya bokek.. berat... tapi daripada makan di rumah, udah ga ada bahan makanan yang bisa digabungin jadi decent food, mesti cuci-cuci lagi, beres-beres lagi.. dah makan di luar deh akhirnya.. habis nya ternyata muahall... yah, selesai makan n Dean dateng.. mau nya pergi jalan-jalan, cari kado... tapi kok ngantuk yah... ckckck.. akhirnya sama Dean diajak pergi ke J.Co... okee.. sampe di J.Co kita duduk duluan di sofa.. Paw ngantuuuuQ!!! dan Paw pikir anak-anak mau beli something-something... yang ternyata... NGGA!! jadi.... kita semua.. duduk.. dan ga ada yang mau beli????? err.... mumpung antrian rame.. Paw cepetan pergi duluan dari situ... ckckckck.. kalo bahasa jermannya.. "ngisin-ngisini wae rek rek!!" untung ga ada yang tau...
Ucluk-ucluk ucluk... ga nemu-nemu yaa kado yang tepat.. ke Starbucks deh... mau nya Paw cari tumbler yang bagus lagi... Pas disana.. Ada yang cakep!!! pas liat harganya..... 195ribu??!! mamiii.... mana itu ukuran tall lagi... hix.. Paw suka nya kan yang Grande..!! Mahuaaallll.. tapi emang super cakepp... hix.. harus dipikirkan baik-baik ini.. mau apa ga ya.. mau apa ga ya... huhuhuhu....Ada sedikit kejadian lucu waktu di Starbucks... Paw kan beli Cinnamon Roll.. karena ga abis, voting menyatakan yang harus ngabisin tuh titi angkat Paw.. tapi titi angkat Paw ga mau... yaahhh.. ada pak satpam nya Starbucks disana.. Paw cuma iseng lho padahal.. panggil..

Paw : "Pak, bisa minta tolong?"
Satpam : "Ya, kenapa?"
P : "Tolong ini diawasi pak, kalau kue nya belum habis jangan boleh keluar ya.. nanti saya kasih tip.."
S : "Oh.. Oke" *ga disangka njawab oke..

Dan......
Titi diawasin!!! HUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Ngakak beneran Paw liat titi diawasin satpam disuruh ngabisin itu kue.... karena Paw uda janji kasi tip, Paw selipin 5000 ke titi buat kasi ke satpam kalo nanti titi udah abisin kue nya....




sekitar 5 menit kemudian, titi udah nyusul kita-kita.. *kita tinggalin titi ke atas, makanya dia diawasin satpam.. huahahaha...* waktu ketemu titi...

Paw : "Ti, kue nya uda abis?"
Titi : "Udah ce... diliatin satpamnya tadi udahan.."
Paw + temen2 : .... *ngakak*


Oh how I love to bully...

Insidious pleasee... T__T

Hweee... Paw pengen nonton film horrrooooorrrr!!!! *lebaydotcom*

gimanaaa... Paw 2 minggu di Tumpang.. jadi alim.. huahahahaha... jadi seekor, eh, seorang Paw yang bener-bener baruu... *apalagi di Camp maha ada bahan buli-bulian temen yang baik hati... jadiii ya menikmati ke suci an Tumpang + jadi alim gitu... tapiiii.....
I miss something..... I miss..... BIOSKOPPP!!!!! *halah lebay banget si emoticonnya.. wkwkwk.. ah ya, intinya ya itu.. Paw pengen nonton pilm.. bukan, bukan paw maniak bioskop.. ga juga.. tapi paw.. paw.. paw... PENGEN JALAN-JALAAAANNN!!! aku kangen Starbucks!! Kangen XXI!! Kangeeenn... guling- gulingku.. *sudah terobati kalo sama guling2ku, ehem.. yah.. udah gitu, cc Paw kerja.. papa Paw juga.. jadi Paw... sendirian gitu...ucluk ucluk tanpa tahu harus gimana... *kasian ya..* mana baka belum dateng... (tapi hari ini baka dateng.. yaaay.. bakaaa.. bawa oleh2 yaaaa... kalo ga kudeportasi kamu balik malaay..) ohohoho.. yah, back.. intinya.. Paw sepi juga laa.. di hutan belantara tanpa sinyal tanpa apa-apa.. emang, suasananya mendukung buat doa.. jangan salah.. Paw suka disana.. TAPI!!! ga seterusnya.. 1-2 minggu cukup buat menobatkan Paw.. abis gitu balik lagi doongg... nah.. untungnya... Paw nemu film judulnya "Insidious"!!! Pas awal-awal diajakin.. Paw ga tertarik.. "Film apaan sih ini??" ternyata review dari IMDB bilang film ini BAGUS!! dan tanpa darah!! Itu yang penting...!!! Paw suka horror, tapi benci darah!! ga sukaaaa... apalagi kalau kaya Saw.. super nehiiikkk!!! ga sukaaaa...!! Tapi apa daya.. anak-anak ga ada yang mau diajak nonton Insidious..

ada yang mau ajak Paw nonton itu?? T__T

Simple blogging at dusk

Oh well.. I'm not in the mood of blogging these days.. So I'm really sorry about the late updates.. I've been feeling like a screwed up.. *sorry to ruin your mood, readers* and there's nothing I can do about it.. so I've been thinking, rather than I'm bitching off here, it's better to keep it inside. I was once, let it out.. a little, a little.. and then it burst out, I became such drama queen, or should I say, drag-ma queer.. I mean, I was total mess that time, and it's like exhibitionist! I'm showing my "labil" side , shout about it so loud that people start to look at me with such pity looks. Anyway, I don't like it so I try to stop. And I don't like to start again. I'd rather keep it in.. *even sometimes I wonder.. how will I cope then? nevermind.. I'll cope anyway..*

I'm not feeling so well, mentally. So I apologize if a few of my blog-post aren't that Paw-Styled or nicely decorated like usual *I know you do love yoyo-cici and those other cute fellas as much as I do, oh how we're gonna miss 'em so badly* and I'm really, really sorry if I do sound like a heavin 'ho and bitching off my own blog, fill it with repressed, stressed stats and horrible quotations, but hey, it's me!

Well.. These days I've been trying to keep my heart closed.. but it was just too difficult. I once play The Sims3, and they have some trait named "hopelessly romantic" where the sim who had that are tend to fall in love more easily than other sim, and he/she can't help but falling in love to a person almost everytime. Well that's also what happens to me. I tried, I really tried. But alas, I've gotten bad.. And unlike in my sim, who can always get anyone whom she loves, I can't. in fact, I can't even control who I fall in with, unlike in my game, where I make her go to the guy she deserves the most. But for me, I'm not. *Tch*

Anyway, I should stop. Everything. I mean it. Final assignment are getting closer, the days are counting, but here I am, trashin' around with The Sims Medieval and 500GB of movies and TV-series... I should get back to Macromedia Flash CS4, but I just can't feel the urge to work.. Somebody have some mood-stabilizer drugs? Like those guys in Hollywood use? I might need some..

Comments, anyone? I feel so... bad.. :(

Was, will, whenever

Was, will, whenever

Is it past?

The smell of love

The sweet, sweet taste

fills and surrounds every corner

heals every wound that is

close your eyes and 

can you see?

What, what time is it?

Children are playing outside

Come now, adulthood

it's time to take those children home

Can't they see?

It's not their time again

Past the bed time, they say

It's part of us where 

the adults are consider us as one of them

Whether we're ready or not

leaving any wound, unhealed

Here, here

It's night already

won't you take a nap?

Aren't you tired?

Love is a big thing

They say, child's love is a puppy love

Does that makes us child as puppy?

no, no, they say

and there, they change the topic

Love, still unhealed

revealed after long, long time

The rest is now rotten

but the love is still there

bleed fresh blood

even as we say it

Tears are flowing

and the heart asks

"When will this stop?"

Only time will smile

and says

"Soon, my dearie.. now sleep,

as I heal you"

And so does

The childhood gone

The puppy love too

but time

heals the heart

to prepare her 

as an adult.

Allahku yang Setia

ALLAHKU YANG SETIA
Johan Chrisdianto Teja
Album The Best of Ronny Daud Simeon



SEKALIPUN KU BERJALAN
DALAM LEMBAH KELAM
NAMUN TANGAN-MU SELALU
MENOPANG HIDUPKU

SAAT KU DALAM KETAKUTAN
KAU HADIR DI SISIKU
KAU BERKATA JANGAN TAKUT
KAU B'RIKU KEMENANGAN

REFF:
KAULAH TUHAN YANG BERJANJI
TAK SEKALIPUN KAU INGKARI
KESETIAAN-MU SUNGGUH TERBUKTI
DI SEPANJANG HIDUPKU

 

'TUK SELAMANYA KU KAN SETIA
MELAYANI, MENGASIHI-MU
TIADA TUHAN SEPERTI-MU
KAULAH ALLAHKU YANG SETIA

Lagu ini....

Kalian boleh percaya atau ga.. Tapi kemarin.. Paw kena masalah .. cukup berat.. And sorry for those who asks, I can't tell you what the problem is. Yang pasti.. It scares me outta hell. Dan hasilnya keluar besok pagi nya.. Malem paw bener-bener putus asa.. Paw cuma berdoa.. "Tuhan, apapun rencanaMu, biarkan Kau beri aku kekuatan untuk menghadapinya.."

Lagu ini (yang di atas) TIDAK PERNAH ADA di playlist Paw, lagu ini juga bukan favorit Paw, bukan lagu yang sering Paw denger, apalagi Paw hapal *untuk dapet liriknya aja Paw harus mengingat-ingat*

Tapi.. Whether you believe it or not.. lagu ini TERDENGAR di mimpi Paw.

Call me crazy or whatever, I call this a faith experience... It's.. awesome.. Paginya Paw bangun dengan perasaan lebih tenang.. seolah.. perasaan setelah didoakan oleh mama Paw dulu.. Well, I think she does pray for me from heaven.. ahaha..

dan ketika Paw pagi tanya.. It's wrong. There's nothing that what I've afraid of, done. Intinya, kekhawatiran Paw SALAH. Praise the Lord...

And yes.. This blog today? It's all given to Lord... to praise Him.. kok ya bisa.. lagu ini kedengeran jelas.. 

*tapi pas Paw donlod lagunya.. kok ga enak ya yang nyanyi.. ==a enakan di mimpi Paw.. :p

Beauty ♫

Phew... Paw akhir-akhir ini bener-bener menggilaaa... atau menggenit.. ga tau, silahkan pilih yang mana.. hihihihi... yah intinya gitu... *tapi jadinya semakin yakin.. Paw salah masuk infor iniii... yah gitu...

Akhir-akhir ini, kalau ditanya, kesibukan Paw selaen kuliah, proposal TA, choir, blogging yang semakin jarang , rapat Camp, jalan-jalan, baca manga, dkk dll dsb.. Paw punya kesibukan baru... hihihihi... yaitu.. bersolek! huahahaha... bersolek disini bukan berarti pake make-up yang bakal bikin Paw jadi kaya Jeng Kelin gitu..

bukann.. tapi merawat diri supaya bersih dan cantik..

~ kling kling~
hihihihi... sekalian, Paw bilang di blog ini.. "Bakaaaa... Let's do this togetheerrr..~ I know you are sooooooo gancheong if about these things.. ohohoho..
nah nah nah... Kan, Paw jadi hobi cari-cari resep... ternyata, jadi cantik tuh ga perlu terlalu mahal lho! Antara lain, dengan mencuci muka yang benar, kita bisa mencegah komedo yang nakal-nakal!! Muka pun jadi bersih dan soooooo soft.. Sebagai contoh nih ya... Muka harus dicuci dengan air suam-suam kuku. Jangan air dingin ataupun panas. Kenapa? Karena kalau terlalu panas, kandungan minyak alami kita akan hilang, sementara kalau terlalu dingin, kotoran nya tidak luntur. gituu.. lalu, yang ke dua, pada saat mencuci muka, pijat2 sedikit wajah kita supaya sabun yang ada membersihkan secara lebih mendalam, dan jangan lupa setelah itu kita pakai air hangat dulu untuk membilas, baru terakhir pakai air dingin dipercikkan. Mnyeka muka pun tidak boleh di srooooooootttt, di seret-seretkan di wajah gitu.. tapi harus ditepuk-tepuk pelan.. hingga agak kering. Baru setelahnya pakai toner dan moisturizer... *Paw pakai Clinique.. bagus lhoo..~ ^^
yang laen2 nya bisa tanya ke Paw langsung deh. malah nulis.. ohohoho..

Fantastica Cosmetica ♥

Yeah.. Akhir-akhir ini Paw ngerasain enaknya jadi kurus... *walaupun ada temen yang bilang Paw menggendut lagi.. ohnooo...!! *Oh ya, karena ini tema nya cewe banget, maka ak pake emoticon khusus hari ini emoticon cewe... imut yaa...

Nah.. Sampe mana tadi ya?? Hahahaha.. intinya, Paw jadi jauh lebih cewe sekarang lhoo..~ *dari dulu juga cewe, tpi tomboy.. sampe dulu dikira tidak akan bisa menjadi wanita.. tapi sekarang bedaaa...!! Paw udah jadi cewee...~ Asli lhooo..~ hohoho.. akhirnya setelah berat badan turun.. bodi menjadi ga kaya karung beras.. baru menikmati indahnya pakaian wanita.. *selama ini merasa pake baju apa-apa jelek.. baru sekarang mau sadar fashion..

Nah.. sehubungan dengan itu juga.. Paw yang dulu ga pernah merhatiin muka.. muka dibiarin kaya gini.. jelek - cakep *cakep ah* dbiarin gitu aja ga dirawat... Akhirnya sadar itu dosa besar... gimana ngga? Muka kering hampir keriput gini mau dibiarin ga dirawat... Mau jadi nenek-nenek umur 25 taun??!! *keinget kata-kata temen yang menohok.. huks.. karena itulah Paw memutuskan untuk merawat lagi muka Paw.. huahuahuahua.. setelah ngerayu papa.. akhirnya dapet 3 produk Clinique.. meskipun cukup merogoh kocek.. *800ribu!! WTH... tpi ya sudahlah.. akhirnya.. pake... Kyaaa, hasilnya memuaskann!! Produk mahal emang beda... *katrok mode on* nah.. begitulah.. Paw sudah mulai merawat muka nih..

Kemarin, temen Paw ajak Paw jalan-jalan.. *ngga ngedate kok.. terus sama dia Paw ditunjukin buku judulnya "Fantastica Cosmetica"... Pas Paw liat.. Wah, bagus!! Tapi liat harganya.. 85000??!! Mahaall... *bbm baka di malaysia, tanya mau urunan ga??

bip..

bip...


baka mauuu...!! yeahh.. beli deh... dan ternyata.. ga rugi lho beli!!

Kaya gini ini bukunya... *saya terpaksa ambil dari google gambarnya karena kualitas kamera Paw jelek..
 
dan isi dalemnya kaya gini ini... bagus kan.. penuh berisi tips tips..

Ahhh,, Paw jadi makin cewe niiihh...~ diajari cara, mulai dari cuci muka yang bener *dan ternyata emang beda lhoo... muka paw jadi lebih bersih kalo cuci muka pake cara itu.. walaupun emang lebih lama... dan air abis lebih banyak, lebih ruwet.. ah ya sudahlah.. biaya untuk cantik..
cara keramas.. dan cara make up yang bener.. serta gimana supaya ga menor.. kyaaa kya kyaaa..~

Bagus iniii.. Paw sukaaa...
doakan Paw cepat bisa yaa.. hohohoho.. dan nantikan muka Paw pake make up alami.. lalala..~