Some friend of mine asked me a few days ago.. "Hey how come you never updated your blog again?"
and I told him, "I don't have that much funny stories to share." And seeing how sad my life as I wrote them down in here, I realize, how sad my life is.
It really is.
Especially in love...
To start with, I were never a popular kid, nor a beauty kid. I was always the "casual",or at the best moment, "cute" one. I was short, but with a kinda old face, my eyes has dark circle because of the gene, and I was very childish. Shortly, I was nothing special.
Things got worse. I fell in love with a wrong person, makes a few bad decision, and boom! I left broken hearted, and friendless, and moreover, alone.
I guess, yes, I'm a lonely person. I tried, believe me, by God, I've tried.. I made friends from here to there, I deepens my relationship with my God, I try to help my parents, I become a good child, but all of that doesn't matter. I'm still alone. I still feel alone. I really wish I know why.
That things, the lonely-thingie, makes me an OAG, over-attached girlfriend, and as much as I know that is a BAD.thing., I can't, I CAN'T stop it. my heart hurts so much every time my boyfriend, or the one I likes, gives me the "want-to-leave" behavior. Things get SO MUCH worse when my last ex, changed his behavior from nurturing and caring to cold and ignoring in only one day. I really don't know what I do wrong, maybe it's my over-possessiveness, or maybe it's because any other fault I made, or my bad character, or maybe what, I don't know, and until this day, I still doesn't know. That makes me so afraid to start a new relationship. My heart hurts everytime I get too near to boy.
And now, I think I fall again.
As much as I want to ignore it... I fall. again. I curse myself for that mistake. how stupid I can be, seriously. Can't a girl have a good year without love??! apparently not for me. sh*t.
And even worse, the boy doesn't like me, but he's nice to me.
I know people gonna say.. "It's better if you neglect him, don't nurture your feeling blablabla.."
I'm WEAK. I know it. I don't want this feeling!!!!! Why must I feel it?!
I wish I can erase my feelings... I really don't mind I think, to be a sadist, rather than like this.. weak, and trampled.. Seriously God, what is Your majestic reason behind this? T__T
for "A".... I hope you're happy.. not because anything, but because I like you..
and I told him, "I don't have that much funny stories to share." And seeing how sad my life as I wrote them down in here, I realize, how sad my life is.
It really is.
Especially in love...
To start with, I were never a popular kid, nor a beauty kid. I was always the "casual",or at the best moment, "cute" one. I was short, but with a kinda old face, my eyes has dark circle because of the gene, and I was very childish. Shortly, I was nothing special.
Things got worse. I fell in love with a wrong person, makes a few bad decision, and boom! I left broken hearted, and friendless, and moreover, alone.
I guess, yes, I'm a lonely person. I tried, believe me, by God, I've tried.. I made friends from here to there, I deepens my relationship with my God, I try to help my parents, I become a good child, but all of that doesn't matter. I'm still alone. I still feel alone. I really wish I know why.
That things, the lonely-thingie, makes me an OAG, over-attached girlfriend, and as much as I know that is a BAD.thing., I can't, I CAN'T stop it. my heart hurts so much every time my boyfriend, or the one I likes, gives me the "want-to-leave" behavior. Things get SO MUCH worse when my last ex, changed his behavior from nurturing and caring to cold and ignoring in only one day. I really don't know what I do wrong, maybe it's my over-possessiveness, or maybe it's because any other fault I made, or my bad character, or maybe what, I don't know, and until this day, I still doesn't know. That makes me so afraid to start a new relationship. My heart hurts everytime I get too near to boy.
And now, I think I fall again.
As much as I want to ignore it... I fall. again. I curse myself for that mistake. how stupid I can be, seriously. Can't a girl have a good year without love??! apparently not for me. sh*t.
And even worse, the boy doesn't like me, but he's nice to me.
I know people gonna say.. "It's better if you neglect him, don't nurture your feeling blablabla.."
I'm WEAK. I know it. I don't want this feeling!!!!! Why must I feel it?!
I wish I can erase my feelings... I really don't mind I think, to be a sadist, rather than like this.. weak, and trampled.. Seriously God, what is Your majestic reason behind this? T__T
for "A".... I hope you're happy.. not because anything, but because I like you..
