a funny post?

Some friend of mine asked me a few days ago.. "Hey how come you never updated your blog again?"
and I told him, "I don't have that much funny stories to share." And seeing how sad my life as I wrote them down in here, I realize, how sad my life is.
It really is.
Especially in love...

To start with, I were never a popular kid, nor a beauty kid. I was always the "casual",or at the best moment, "cute" one. I was short, but with a kinda old face, my eyes has dark circle because of the gene, and I was very childish. Shortly, I was nothing special.

Things got worse. I fell in love with a wrong person, makes a few bad decision, and boom! I left broken hearted, and friendless, and moreover, alone.
I guess, yes, I'm a lonely person. I tried, believe me, by God, I've tried.. I made friends from here to there, I deepens my relationship with my God, I try to help my parents, I become a good child, but all of that doesn't matter. I'm still alone. I still feel alone. I really wish I know why.

That things, the lonely-thingie, makes me an OAG, over-attached girlfriend, and as much as I know that is a BAD.thing., I can't, I CAN'T stop it. my heart hurts so much every time my boyfriend, or the one I likes, gives me the "want-to-leave" behavior. Things get SO MUCH worse when my last ex, changed his behavior from nurturing and caring to cold and ignoring in only one day. I really don't know what I do wrong, maybe it's my over-possessiveness, or maybe it's because any other fault I made, or my bad character, or maybe what, I don't know, and until this day, I still doesn't know. That makes me so afraid to start a new relationship. My heart hurts everytime I get too near to boy.

And now, I think I fall again.
As much as I want to ignore it... I fall. again. I curse myself for that mistake. how stupid I can be, seriously. Can't a girl have a good year without love??! apparently not for me. sh*t.

And even worse, the boy doesn't like me, but he's nice to me.
I know people gonna say.. "It's better if you neglect him, don't nurture your feeling blablabla.."
I'm WEAK. I know it. I don't want this feeling!!!!! Why must I feel it?!

I wish I can erase my feelings... I really don't mind I think, to be a sadist, rather than like this.. weak, and trampled.. Seriously God, what is Your majestic reason behind this? T__T
for "A".... I hope you're happy.. not because anything, but because I like you..

Birthday present for the unmentionable friend

It's been a long enough time now, my friend

For me to know you

and for you to know me

We've far behind acquaintances now

and we had faced many obstacles between us

Anger, rage, misunderstanding, and many more

And how we share our laughter

We've had the time of our lives

From the point where we just met

to the point that you had your crush on me

until the point that you moved on

the point where I realized I like you.

How silly it must have been

to know your one true happiness is in front of you

Just being with them can makes you happy

and not being able to talk to them makes you sad

That, even at your angriest state

at my angriest state

we can't, we just can't, lose contact.

Even when you got your crush,

your (now exes)soon-to-be-girlfriends

when I got my crush

my (now exes)boyfriend

we still had our times, together.

You know my weakness

I know your flaw

You know how to handle me, and vice versa

But friend, do I know you

I've seen you fall in love, so many times

I've seen you desperate for love

and yet, you ignores me. ==a

But that's fine, pal

As long as the winds blows for us

I'll still be there for us

As long as I can stand it

But friend, if one day

I see you walk the aisle

and the girl wasn't me

Please give me my regard, for I will not be there.

I will not have the strength like you will have

if you were to be in my feet.

Just remember our times pal

as that's what remains of us

As for now, just let me dream

about a place where you and I can be together

forever

we'll be friend, eternally, together.

Happy birthday pal, hope you had what you always dreamed for this year.

Just some thought about family

Pernah ga, berpikir tentang orang tua kita? Terutama mereka yang orangtuanya masih lengkap (mama ada, papa ada)....
...
Coba diinget, apa sih yang biasanya kita lakuin untuk mereka?
..
Yep. Rata-rata ga ada yang ngelakuin apa-apa, kecuali kalo bikin bete, kasih masalah, sama jadwal apel (ke ruang guru) itu diitung "pemberian"

Ga usah jauh-jauh.. Paw pernah tau ada cerita seorang anak habis nraktir papanya, anak ini waktu tengkar sama adiknya dia bilang, "Ga usah macem-macem lah minta papi uang!! Kamu ga tahu apa, yang bayarin papamu makan tadi aku??!!" ---> itu papa elu bukann... *emosi*
Rasanya jadi ga habis pikir... Padahal papanya juga ga ngajarin jelek lho.. tapi kok bisa anaknya kaya gitu..

Mungkin kalian habis baca ini ketawa, ngetawain anak ini.. tapi coba ngaca.. di 1 sisi, apa ga kita seperti itu? Kalo dikasih orang tua, bawaannya "wajar lah gw dikasih.. gw anaknya.." Tapi ketika waktunya untuk balas jasa.. apa sih yang kita kasih?
SD/SMP/SMA/Kuliah : "gw belum kerja, belum punya duit sendiri.."
Kerja : "gw nabung buat hari depan nih.. cicilan mobil/rumah/anything.."
Nikah awal-awal : "cicilan rumah belum kebayar, masih masa penganten baru, masa udah direpotin ortu??"
Nikah agak lama : "Udah ada anak, mahal perawatannnn.. ortu kan harusnya ada tabungan hari depann.."
Udah tua : "Ortu udah ga ada..." atau kalo masih ada "gw aja uang ngarep anak, kok ngasih ortu.."

Ketawa kalo mau, tapi rata-rata orang akan melakukan hal seperti itu. Dan itu juga menunjukkan sesuatu... Kalo mau / ga mau, sebenernya SEMUA kesempatan itu bisa, dan juga... PERLU!!

Pada udah tau kan, mama Paw meninggal tahun 2007. Saat itu Paw masi SMA, masi imut-imut...kalo pembelaan Paw, paling gampang ya itu.. "Paw belum kerja, belum bisa bahagiain mami"
Tapi apa bener begitu?? Sebenernya ya ngga.
Kalau Paw emang mau, Paw seharusnya BISA.
BISA mendengarkan mama waktu mama butuh didengarkan
BISA membantu mama meringankan sakit dengan rajin menyiapkan obat (sering lupa)
BISA mendoakan mama setiap saat (sering lupa)
BISA membantu meringankan pikiran dengan menjadi anak baik
BISA menyenangkan mama dengan nurut
BISA dekat-dekat dengan mama apalagi mengetahui waktu itu mama sakit keras.

Kalau ditanya... Paw dulu sering jalan-jalan waktu mama sakit. Dan kalau diingat.. sekarang kenangan jalan-jalan itu sudah hilang, yang tersisa cuma penyesalan.. "Seandainya dulu bisa menghabiskan waktu lebih sama mama..."

TIDAK AKAN PERNAH ADA cinta seperti cinta ibu. Pada siapa coba kita bisa bener-bener memeluk seseorang dan tidak merasa aneh / mesum / harus jaga jarak? Paw perempuan, dipeluk papa memang biasa, tapi tidak akan pernah bisa sama dengan pelukan mama.. Mau perempuan, mau laki-laki, seorang ibu tidak akan pernah membedakan dalam hal pemberian pelukan. Afterall, bukankah dia yang mengandung kita selama 9bulan di dalam perutnya?

Di saat sedih, depresi, takut, bermasalah, berbeban... Terkadang obat yang kita butuhkan bukanlah minuman, pasangan, ataupun obat yang lain. Terkadang pelukan dan doa ibu sudah cukup. Hanya saja, banyak yang tidak pernah menyadari hal ini. Dan mungkin.. Paw juga tidak akan pernah menyadari ini jika Paw tidak kehilangan mama Paw...

Kisah Paw berakhir sedih, di saat-saat seperti ini, ketika Paw merindukan kasih seorang ibunda, tidak ada satupun orang, sedekat apapun dia, walaupun dia juga seorang ibu, yang bisa menggantikan mama Paw. Pelukan, nasihat, dan doa yang terucap pasti beda, karena tidak ada yang bisa lebih mengerti seorang anak daripada ibunya sendiri kecuali Tuhan, dan doa yang paling tulus adalah doa orangtua.

Tapi Paw ingin, pengalaman Paw bisa menjadi suatu pelajaran bagi kalian.. yang membaca blog ini.. Hargailah orang tua kalian selagi masih sempat, selagi masih bisa.. Tidak ada yang tahu apa yang dibawa oleh esok.. Kesempatan yang bisa diraih, raihlah dahulu. Dahulukan orangtua mu, bukan pacar atau sahabatmu. Karena orang datang dan pergi, berubah dan silih berganti, tetapi pada akhirnya yang akan melindungimu tetap adalah orangtua..

sekian.

Perjalanan hidup sang kupu-kupu

Seekor ulat tak pernah mendamba..
Untuk menjadi kupu-kupu..
Ia tahu, untuk menjadi kupu-kupu berarti untuk tiada..
Seekor kupu, hanya cantik untuk sehari, lalu tiada..

Namun waktu memberitahu dirinya, saatnya untuk menjadi kepompong..
Ulat pun merasakan perubahan itu..
Siap tidak siap, perubahan terasa nyata
Tidak ada hal yang bisa dilakukan selain mempersiapkan diri..

Tiba saatnya ia menjadi kupu
"Tidak! disini sungguh nyaman!" teriak sang ulat
apalah daya, tubuhnya telah terbentuk
Saatnya untuk melebarkan sayapnya

Kini dia telah menjadi kupu
Dan dia melihat
segala perjuangannya selama ini, dan dirinya saat ini
Dan ia pun tersenyum..

Tidak ada dari kita yang tahu waktuNya
Tidak ada dari kita yang bisa merasa siap
Namun percaya kepada satu hal
Tuhan tidak pernah salah memilih waktu..

Quatro...

I love you
till my head spinning
just hearing of your name

I love you so much
till my head wants to burst
just because your kiss

I love you too much
till I dreamt of you
sleeping next to me

But

You said, it was too much
you said, it is no time to do that
you said, we had to know the time

When to get serious
When to get romantic
and then to get funny

but tell me now
if it not now
how is it I know

That my heart will ever feels this way again?
That this moment will lasts forever?
That this love is true?

The more you know me
The further apart you became
how can I not be afraid?

Tell me
Does this some kind of sick joke
that you deceive me?
Truly it is, yes...

Depressed me

Why
Am I so stupid?
Am I that bad?
Am I that useless?

Why
Does I always do the wrong act?
Does I always pick the wrong choice?
Does I never, ever, be wise?

Why
Did I keep makes people angry of me?
Did I keep makes people I love got fed up on me?
Did I always do the useless things?

Why
Can't I be like any other person?
Can't I work like a professional?
Can't I be more mature?

Why
Can't I stop feeling depressed?
Can't I stop making mistakes?
Can't I found what I'm good at?

Why
All I do is just wrong?
All I said is just wrong?
All I think is just wrong?

Why
Did I always failed?
Did I never get any luck?
Did I always disappoint those who near me?

Why...

I can't think about something positive
I can't stop thinking about hurting myself
I can't remember the last time I didn't fail..

God makes everyone unique and have their own way
but sometimes I do think..
'Did I born as a failure, so that there's people who will look at me and feels better, saying to themselves, "At least I'm not like her"'??

Ayat-ayat yang kusuka

Baack... hihihihihi...
Paw udah luamaaa banget ga buka blog...
- Proverbs 10:22 --> wah ini favorit!!! huahahahhaahha...
- Sirach 39:16-17 --> ini juga...
- Matthew 7:7
- sementara itu.. nanti aku tambahin lagi yaa..~♫